i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
