I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
