if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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