I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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