smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
