she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
