I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
