I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
