i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
