I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
