I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
