Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize