i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
