yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
