Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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