He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize