I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
