no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
