Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize