I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My vagina is very pro this idea
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