i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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