Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
