Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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