in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
