You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
