im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
