pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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