So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
