Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
