I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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