new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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