Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
