just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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