So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
