i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
