my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
