I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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