Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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