He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
