im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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