Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
3pm strippers are depressing
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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