Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
