just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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