He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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