This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
