covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
