After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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