hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
