...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
