whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
