I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize