there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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