i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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