I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
