Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
