I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
