apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
