Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
