I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize