My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
