I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
