it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
