Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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