if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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