I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
