Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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