I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
