tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
