I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
