What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
