wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
