Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
