okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
