1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
