it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
