Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
