I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
