I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
