Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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