I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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